Author Archives: Chanel McLeary

This is a challenging topic and an ongoing issue.

How do we deal with those people who don’t respect our boundaries knowingly or unknowingly.

You know them……boundary wall pushers. You make a decision to change your reaction to them to keep you from getting annoyed, but as soon as they come around you they just rub you up the wrong way.

In your head you’re like seriously, did they just say that?. Or did they just really do that?……

Just like Jamiroquai spoke about a partners behaviour making him love them with a ‘Little L’. Because when the boundary wall person pushes buttons, sometimes it feels like love shrinks.

Maybe you experienced the ex partner who always got you, to pay for everything and they seemed to never have their wallet with them or the friend who you looked after their kids, and they always came back 2 hours late every week same thing………

Boundaries are important here, but being straight shooting done with respect is needed in these kinds of relationships for those people who do not adhere to your boundaries.

I allowed people to cross my boundaries over the years and I felt exhausted. The flame went out of me and it didn’t leave much energy or time for those who needed me or respected my boundaries.

Maybe you need to set boundaries with your boss, colleagues, friends, family (they need it too), partner, spouse, kids.

When everyone knows each others boundaries we can all set realistic expectations of what we can and can’t expect from one another.

Things a year ago I started to say no too (I use to always say yes before even when exhausted)

• some school trips

• church events or groups

• family events

• certain days for meeting up with others. (Some days are my protected days for rest)

• people giving away items and just saying ‘I thought you could do with this’. Now I politely decline.

• how I should or shouldn’t celebrate my own birthday

Please note this list is the tip of the iceberg.

Before I respond to boundary issues I like speak as kindly as possible but there will be time when some people don’t take no for an answer. I usually say “I’ve just given you my answer and it’s no thank you”. Then I pause. The silence in that moment usually sorts it 👀.

What I found was I became more peaceful and happy going into many situations where before it would be anxiety provoking. Because they are starting to know where I stand and where they stand.

So that boss who doesn’t respect that you have a life outside of work boundaires need to be place. Your outside relationships and life depends on it.

Remember do it and say it in love.

Your spouse allowed your friend who in fact invited themself over for dinner without making it a joint decision and you are exhausted from a heavy week at work. Maybe boundaries are needed.

Remember do it and say it in love.

The sibling who takes your stuff that you’re clearly using. Maybe explain “I would have been happy to lend it to you if you asked” or maybe saying “I was going to use that ask before taking please”. Holding grudges is not healthy. Again boundaries protect relationships too.

Remember do it and say it in love.

Your a solopreneur and you finish up at 7pm. Make that clear to everyone. Because you have been at it since 9am. You need rest so you can show up as your best self.

Remember do it and say it in love.

You love your child to the max but your exhausted and if you play that game tonight for a hour it wont be with chirpy face. Boundaries would say “I love playing games with you but I need to rest today. I’m very tired and I want to have fun when play so tomorrow I can play and let’s chuck an extra game too”. Win win, hopefully it works kids are unpredictable.

Remember do it and say it with love.

Disclaimer

People will find it hard to get their head around this change in you, but they will eventually get use to it and enjoy the happier peaceful side of you that shows up. There will be some people that step away because they might have been using you and if that’s the case you’ve gained anyway. See it as a filter.

Let me know what boundaries your setting and how it’s going in the comments.

Chanel x

Our comfort can feel good, but not every thing that feels good is good for us right?

Those bitter sweet moments, where our comfort creates some kind of safety but it actually stops you from growing .

People who succeed in life or introduced change into their life always have stepped outside of their comfort zone.

There’s an element of risk to everything kids, marriage, new career, starting a business, moving home, moving to a different country, going travelling and more…..

With the presence of risk there is also the other side and this is why we as humans tend to be swayed because we know when something goes good it can surely bring great joy and happiness.

Now, if we stay in the confinements of comfort were just be doing the same things whilst expecting different results, which does not work.

Take a pause……..

Where are you too comfortable?

What areas in your life are you experiencing the confinements of comfort and how could that be impacting your growth or the much needed change you need?

Think about what life would like if you broke up with comfort.

What three steps could you take today to make some positive changes away from comfort and fluffy slippers?

No more security blankets.

With any change, fear and anxiety will arise but the more you step outside of your comfort the more resistance will lessen.

Bring out the untamed and fearless you.

Chanel x

Do you ever wonder who are you really?.

The real you without all the online influences, social media, and podcast information?

Are you starting to sound like a mixture of your favourite podcasts hosts?.

Maybe it’s got to the point, where you have forgotten where you got that great bit of advice from. Because you follow so much people on YouTube or Instagram.

Are you using dating advice from YouTube?. Whilst not bad especially if you have had trouble in that particular area, but what happens when you get past the dating stage and the real you come out. Then it will leave your partner wondering who they are actually with?. Even if you make a great partner unfortunately that person signed up for the youtube influencers type of dating partner.

We are in times where people are quite frankly crying out for authenticity. We are bogged down by duplicates of most things and its all well….. similar. Also a little bit scary. We’re at risk at not even knowing ourself, swaying so far from reality.

I don’t know about you but it’s exhausting and overstimulating.  

A time of simplicity is in order, digital simplicity. How many screen shots of quotes are on your camera roll?. For me too many I’ve even forgot they were there.

But….let’s reclaim our authenticity

1. Go through camera roll clear what’s not need or forgotten.
2. Go through YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok and unfollow people and pages that are just clouding the space in your brain and feed. KEEP THE FEW YOU ENJOY AS INSPIRATION.
3. Even books if you have to many similar genres clamouring for your attention.
4. Have a pen and paper handy. (Now some of you will find this hard). But if you have forgotten what authentic is for you try sit somewhere quiet and try to not focus on anything. Then when your relaxed think about your personality, what motivates you, what makes you happy (activities both alone and with others). Big one, if you could do anything what would it be?.
5. What are you like when your at home?. That’s often where the real authentic us comes out (if we’re allowed to feel safe with those we live with). If not, you can think back to a place or time where you could be yourself.

So from there you may identify who is the authentic you hopefully.

Whilst lots of people can inspire us they can also leave us feeling confused about who are and thinking we’re doing something wrong. When in actual fact we maybe we’re alright.

There is people out there needing you to show up as your authentic self with all the quirks and bandages because it’s your story that might make them resonate and love you all the more.

Chanel x

Ever wonder why some people seem to have the knack at making things work and well…..why others it doesn’t seem to work out as hoped.

Well maybe your thinking there must be something special about them, some magic formula, they must already have the funds, they must have a high IQ?.

It’s hardly those things or many other thing we could conjure up in our heads.

I talking about the people who are innovative, make radical positive changes in their personal life, lasting growth, give up a habit, grow a company, growth on social media and more.

It’s usually takes that one thing, doing it again and again until growth or change happens. It’s repeating steps just a little bit more each day until a breakthrough.

Consistency is key here, it’s like for example only seeing 5 clients, small handful of customers, one (like) on your social media or repeating that recipe again until it comes out just right. Doing it for a audience of one, as they say then it grows.

It’s having a desire to get it right you add in education, research, mentors, coaches, books, speaking to other people who are doing what you’re doing to get support. This helps with growth too.

I remember when I was younger I taught myself to tie my own shoe laces I sat there determined and wouldn’t give in until I did it. I bet you may have had similar experiences as a child.

Where did that determination for repeating and consistency go for some of us as adults?.

It may take you a bit of time to get there but your determination will give you that edge. That edge brings you results.

Another thing is for people who seem to make things work is they take risks (calculated) ones. Change is uncomfortable for them as it is for all everyone but they go with change.

We can only feel uncomfortable for so long that feeling will go and that’s what they hold onto it’s a short term feeling for a long term gain.

What if you succeeding, in the area you want to is on the other side of your uncomfortable feeling.

See this as your sign to not give up and keep going until you see results.

Keep doing a little bit more each day.

Championing you on,

Chanel

I’m guessing anyone reading this would have possibly occupied their earthy body for least a couple of decades now. Possibly tried to move out of our earthly bodies a few times. Maybe even invited in a couple of swatters and rude guests, that’s another story.

But here’s the thing like a house made of brick and motar or grand design type house if you’re really posh. A house can be gutted, fixed up both internally and externally. Some parts can be reused and enhanced.

We can improve ourself, please note we’re not too far gone. Saying it’s just the way I am is not a final decision or destination.

In fact, it almost causes us to disassociate from our habits and behaviours that affect ourselves and others. This was and is still a famous line my boomer parents use ‘it’s just the way I am, and if people don’t like it well….’ .

Well, you can change and evolve, but probably not as fast as Apples updates or ChatGPT. But neither the less don’t put yourself in a box excepting your limiting beliefs are just who you are and there is no plan B. That’s a false narrative.

It’s a choice and starts with one decision, to change today, not just in January. Don’t wait until a new year starts ,today is the day. The perfect timing doesn’t exist. Do you know how I came to this revelation? Well, I tried it many times on numerous occasions. Please note, indecision is also a decision.

So when the words ‘just the way you are’ is uttered, let it be the version of you that’s refined and renewed. Who you truly want to be not who you accept or settle for being.

You’re trusted and constantly growing friend,

Chanel

We often hear the word normal but what is normal?. Why do we presume some people’s behaviours are normal and condemn people who act out of side of these characteristics (that’s not considered the norm).

I am for one, not normal and nor do I wish to be. What equates to normal?, does anyone really know?. Because from what I’ve witnessed and maybe you too, people who lived a life well (happy or successful in various areas) have very unique characteristic and against what seems normal. In fact they can be pretty wild in their thinking. Innovators are certainly wild, bold and forever evolving leaving normal in the dust.

As a mum of creative neurdivgent children and highly likely myself too, we accord to society are not measured as the average normal person its frustrating to say the least to be ,measured against others when our brains are just wired differently. This is our super strength, we learn to lean into this and celebrate.

We are not made to be average or follow the crowd there’s a reason we have our own brains, to think differently in our own unique way, not like a weird dystopia programmed mind …… where we all think the same.

Imagine showing up as the real authentic you with all the awkwardness. What changes to your life would you implement?, what business idea would you start?, leave that toxic realtionship?, travel?, study?, wear bright clothes even on a cloudy day winters day?…

Don’t be mediocre anymore you’re born to be wild however that looks for you. You’re the lion walking in courage and confidence.

Born to be wild,

Chanel

So friends were at the beginning of a New Year. Last year it felt like some of us have walked through the fire, some may have came out pretty unscathed and rest bit battered bruised. I don’t know personally what you have dealt with but the fact is your reading this so your Alive and your here. Where there’s life there’s hope, you made it even if your feelings differ.

I like to think of all our issues as pieces of a puzzle and as we go into a new year we need to pick up those pieces and put together one at time. It might be putting it back on the shelves to revisit at a later date, if its delicate putting it in a safe place or if it no longer serves us throw it away and take out the trash. It is best practice to not just leave it on the floor as stepping on it can feel uncomfortable. Try not to bring the issues of last year and bringing it into this year.

Now I am not talking about the things beyond your control but the things you can change, view or approach differently.

Happy New Year Friend,

Chanel