Little L

This is a challenging topic and an ongoing issue.

How do we deal with those people who don’t respect our boundaries knowingly or unknowingly.

You know them……boundary wall pushers. You make a decision to change your reaction to them to keep you from getting annoyed, but as soon as they come around you they just rub you up the wrong way.

In your head you’re like seriously, did they just say that?. Or did they just really do that?……

Just like Jamiroquai spoke about a partners behaviour making him love them with a ‘Little L’. Because when the boundary wall person pushes buttons, sometimes it feels like love shrinks.

Maybe you experienced the ex partner who always got you, to pay for everything and they seemed to never have their wallet with them or the friend who you looked after their kids, and they always came back 2 hours late every week same thing………

Boundaries are important here, but being straight shooting done with respect is needed in these kinds of relationships for those people who do not adhere to your boundaries.

I allowed people to cross my boundaries over the years and I felt exhausted. The flame went out of me and it didn’t leave much energy or time for those who needed me or respected my boundaries.

Maybe you need to set boundaries with your boss, colleagues, friends, family (they need it too), partner, spouse, kids.

When everyone knows each others boundaries we can all set realistic expectations of what we can and can’t expect from one another.

Things a year ago I started to say no too (I use to always say yes before even when exhausted)

• some school trips

• church events or groups

• family events

• certain days for meeting up with others. (Some days are my protected days for rest)

• people giving away items and just saying ‘I thought you could do with this’. Now I politely decline.

• how I should or shouldn’t celebrate my own birthday

Please note this list is the tip of the iceberg.

Before I respond to boundary issues I like speak as kindly as possible but there will be time when some people don’t take no for an answer. I usually say “I’ve just given you my answer and it’s no thank you”. Then I pause. The silence in that moment usually sorts it 👀.

What I found was I became more peaceful and happy going into many situations where before it would be anxiety provoking. Because they are starting to know where I stand and where they stand.

So that boss who doesn’t respect that you have a life outside of work boundaires need to be place. Your outside relationships and life depends on it.

Remember do it and say it in love.

Your spouse allowed your friend who in fact invited themself over for dinner without making it a joint decision and you are exhausted from a heavy week at work. Maybe boundaries are needed.

Remember do it and say it in love.

The sibling who takes your stuff that you’re clearly using. Maybe explain “I would have been happy to lend it to you if you asked” or maybe saying “I was going to use that ask before taking please”. Holding grudges is not healthy. Again boundaries protect relationships too.

Remember do it and say it in love.

Your a solopreneur and you finish up at 7pm. Make that clear to everyone. Because you have been at it since 9am. You need rest so you can show up as your best self.

Remember do it and say it in love.

You love your child to the max but your exhausted and if you play that game tonight for a hour it wont be with chirpy face. Boundaries would say “I love playing games with you but I need to rest today. I’m very tired and I want to have fun when play so tomorrow I can play and let’s chuck an extra game too”. Win win, hopefully it works kids are unpredictable.

Remember do it and say it with love.

Disclaimer

People will find it hard to get their head around this change in you, but they will eventually get use to it and enjoy the happier peaceful side of you that shows up. There will be some people that step away because they might have been using you and if that’s the case you’ve gained anyway. See it as a filter.

Let me know what boundaries your setting and how it’s going in the comments.

Chanel x