Author Archives: Chanel McLeary

Love what you do and never work a day in your life. Many can’t agree on who originally said this.

Loving what you do is as much about loving those we serve in our roles. It certainly is not limited to the type of career or job neither earnings. Its a genuine love that makes want to go the extra mile. Giving back with free time and gifts if volunteering.

If this is you embrace it. If you would like to be in that place but not sure where to start reach out me. There’s no greater thing than love it has the ability to access all areas of our lives and others creating a positive impact.

There is a joy filled man that works at our local recycling centre. I don’t use the word joyful lightly. He said he has the best job in the world working at the recycling centre. He’s always singing and I genuinely look forward to seeing him.

There are people whereby their job take them all over the world and they have a wealth of experience and culture off the back of that.

I’ve had times where I volunteered and looked forward to every session because of the people I was serving. I know the word ‘serving’ maybe uncomfortable for some people but it means to essentially humble ourselves and look to the needs of another delivering a service or help of some kind.

We have lost the art of servicing well.

Remember the saying ‘service with a smile’ it’s far and few between now. It’s filled with people who actually hate their job and some will say it’s because they’re under paid.

But doing something you love voluntary or paid will indeed cause you to give a good service in both circumstances. It won’t feel like work so naturally things will just flow.

The quote ‘love what job you do and you never work a day in your life’. Is saying that when you enjoy your job it doesn’t even feel like work.

Waking up with that feeling of dread, you may even feel it in your job now. All the days just seem so long and all you can think about is retirement and you’re only 43 years old. You certainly shouldn’t be feeling this way friend. I don’t want this for you. It’s where the days feel long and the weekends feel short.

I want you to look back on your life and knowing love was the driving force. A love for what you do and that love will impact those around you because your doing something from your heart.

Chanel x

We tend to watch how others affect the world but have you stopped to ponder on what you are putting out into the world?

This is hard because it’s like holding a mirror up to our vulnerable part of our bodies.

It’s easy in this world to be so caught up with watching others and how they impact ourlives plus others around them.

Today and the next few days it’s good to take a look how we interact with those we come into contact with, and how we communicate with them, yes that includes your online community and those not so nice comment sections which you have probably witnessed. There’s still a person on the other side of those comments .

Do people leave your presence feeling being heard?. You will know people often tell you or show it in their actions.

Do you put out healthily boundaries?

Do you have a strong balance friendship group?

Is your social media post and comments full of honest directness but loving or is it full of judgement and criticism?

Do people tend to open upto you?, if not and you’ve wondered why are you closed off or the opposite do you talk a lot about personal stuff to most people both can make people worry about sharing their experiences.

These are just examples of things that people put out into the spaces around them that creates the people or environment in which they find themselves.

I’ve personally made many changes and use this method of asking myself what am I putting out into the world as a regular conversation with myself. In my past I was a people pleaser and it affected me deeply. Now quite honestly I am me with a dash of love and a drizzle of straightforwardness. If anyone doesn’t like me then that’s ok too because expecting everyone to like you is a big lie to yourself. I’m not into everyone so certainly wouldn’t be drinking tea with them. I shouldn’t have expected the same from others bazaar really the things we believe as human beings.

Take 10 minutes to think about what your putting out into the world.

If it’s pretty good do more of it. The things that need to change make micro changes one day at a time. Being radical in change is dangerous and can be short lived so small changes builds better healthier habits.

Chanel x

The words we use and the ones we don’t (even silence speaks volumes).

Focusing on the spoken words, whether it be via mouth or text has the ability to encourage or discourage someone.

A seed (word) planted in the right conditions will grow.

It depends on whether you want to encourage or discourage?. It will either grow like a beautiful flower that keeps returning each year or it will grow thorns that will stick and prick the person.

A harsh word can cause a person to develop anger but a word spoken in love and encouragement can develop into hope and growth. 

I’ve been both the giver of an encouraging word and a receiver. I can tell you it was like life to a weary heart and needed in that moment in time.

I’ve also been the giver and receiver of a harsh word that hurt. It’s a horrible feeling knowing you have discouraged someone. You see I suffered with clinical OCD and anxiety it was crushing. Whilst not an excuse I would responded to stressful situations with negative response and projecting fear of the future. I am now on the other side of that thankfully.

You see I speak words that are life giving, a pep talk to myself if you like.

I was very negative to be around during this time always fearful and it began with my family speaking a lot about sickness and very pessimistic. They were problem watchers.

Let me tell you friends if this was your experience with family growing up. It’s not normal and we should not normalise this kind of living. As the saying goes misery loves company.

I took a journey of release and discovery shaking of the entanglement of negative words spoken over me and that includes words I’ve spoken over my self. I ‘choose’ to walk a different path, a lighter path. The word ‘choose’ is key here because it’s a decision, a change of heart and mind. Then we walk in it.

I try to be conscious of what I say and don’t say to others. I do get it wrong sometimes but what I don’t try to do is beat myself up about it, at least not for too long anyway. I know I don’t do it intentionally and I apologise. If we allow ourselves to jump on that train then it’s a downward spiral from there. Down there is where negative words live. We don’t want to go down there. It’s like a dark scary basement.

So the first start is making a decision to become conscious of your words to others and to yourself. The key also is to be aware of how others speak to you too. If they can’t be kind it’s time to set boundaries. (If it’s an abusive relationships seek help safety).

Second is to have pauses when you speak to hear what you’re going to say in your head before you respond out loud . This is something I am actively working on. We won’t get this right all of time though.

It’s something to build on and the thing is not to get to frustrated if you make a mistake or it becomes counterproductive.

Go out into the world and plant some good seed. I heard it also can come back to you tenfold.

Chanel x

We probably imagine being corrected as a child and frankly what child likes to be told off?

As children we often move on quickly after being corrected but can develop resentment and lack self esteem. As adults we develop an offence and completely miss genuine lessons when there is one.

If a boss corrects us we tend to internalise it and ruminate for days or months. You may even shudder at the thought of a conversation with someone who corrected you.

I certainly did for many years. Growing up being correct constantly made me feel like I wasn’t good enough and this turned into reinforced pattern of thinking.

So everytime I was corrected whether right or wrong I took offence missing the message completely.

This leads to good corrections missing its meaning and learning.

When the lines were blurred between bad or good correction. I was caught up with being offended. I missed the lesson with the signs whether this was a genuine person or if the person didn’t have my best interests at heart, I was reactive. Once the offence period was over I would often venture back and reconcile because you believe you’re always the problem or made to think so. This way of thinking gives way to inviting narcissists and manipulation in to your life and often missing the genuine good people.

It was all blurred. When you have a healthy way of viewing offence you see the correction for it’s true intention, no blurs just truth. You see the love of the person guiding you.

With correction we need to not internalise as that leads us to catastrophizing.

Externalising correction leads to protection.

We should first hear what’s being said then process the information by seeing who is delivering the correction and the heart behind it.

Questions like-

Is this said in love?

Does this person want the best for me?

Are they trying to help me improve?

Do they often belittle you?

Rude or arrogance?

Constant put downs?

They can’t find anything good to say ever?

Side comments in front of others?

Gaslighting?

First I would like to say the latter is not someone who has your best interests at heart.

Work needs to be done to develop a healthier response to correction. We will always be a work in progress. Correction will be great from people who mean well, we will succeed in that easily. But with others who don’t mean well will take a bit of work, to deal with it better. Sometimes the old pattern responses will creeps in and we’re ruminate but when it does we learn to spend less time in that place of self pity.

It’s not about perfection but about learning to foster better responses.

There often is something that triggers the way you process correction in a negative way. If you internalise like I often did, you can change this. If you get angry or withdrawal you can over come this.

Don’t accept this as just the way you are. We grow from accepting good correction. It helps us learn. If someone who genuinely cares says ‘oh I find it hard to say things without you getting offended’. That’s not negative that’s a call to look at your behaviours and work on making changes and have more positive relationships.

A tutor said to me ‘oh you waffled abit in your essay remember to stick to the question’. I took it on board because I know she was correct and I appreciated her directness, she wanted me to do well.

What my tutor said has helped me apply this into other parts of my life.

Ask yourself next time you come against correction does this help me grow or make me low?

Externalising correction can be your protection.

Chanel x

You know the saying ‘the past is the past’. It’s not as easy as this is it?

One things for certain the past holds us back big time!

We’re essentially aiming for increase or growth, whilst looking back at the same time.

If we walk and look back we’re going to bump into something and that something is old patterns, pain, discouragement, bad habits and fear.

There’s things in the past we can learn from and there’s things in the past we run faraway from because it doesn’t bring out the best in us or those around us.

How do we leave the past behind?

Well you have a number of options-

• Speak to a trusted friend

• Coach

• Therapist/counsellor

• Walk yourself through it and make a decision to quit living in the past.

The last isn’t easy but it depends on what happened in your past that is affecting your future.

People use many self help books, I did but it didn’t always work because I didn’t apply what I learnt. Sometimes I didn’t know how too, due to the complexities of what was written and how it fits my situation.

Everyone has a past but it’s not always fond memory for some. Working through these challenges helps release what you’re carrying.

Imagine wearing a backpack with 20 small rocks and walking for miles. Then picking up more on the way. Eventually you won’t be able to carry it and you can’t ask anyone else because it’s not their backpack. This is the same with your past.

You will come up against other challenges (that’s the hard part of life), but if you’re already carrying other rocks it’s going to feel overwhelming when you add more.

I should know I did this many times and what happened burnout……….

I was signed off from work for 6 weeks it was horrible. It was like Niagara Falls coming from my eyes. I wanted to stop crying but I couldn’t. A pattern of insomnia began for many years following.

Just like the book the ‘body keeps scores’ believe it really does. Another interesting fact, your brain can’t tell if you’re actually going through something for real or if it’s just a thought. Psychologists have discovered this!.

But you can make your first step to freedom today, you know longer have to look backwards but to press on towards the future.

Decide what help you will need and take those first steps.

Chanel x