How do you digest correction?

We probably imagine being corrected as a child and frankly what child likes to be told off?

As children we often move on quickly after being corrected but can develop resentment and lack self esteem. As adults we develop an offence and completely miss genuine lessons when there is one.

If a boss corrects us we tend to internalise it and ruminate for days or months. You may even shudder at the thought of a conversation with someone who corrected you.

I certainly did for many years. Growing up being correct constantly made me feel like I wasn’t good enough and this turned into reinforced pattern of thinking.

So everytime I was corrected whether right or wrong I took offence missing the message completely.

This leads to good corrections missing its meaning and learning.

When the lines were blurred between bad or good correction. I was caught up with being offended. I missed the lesson with the signs whether this was a genuine person or if the person didn’t have my best interests at heart, I was reactive. Once the offence period was over I would often venture back and reconcile because you believe you’re always the problem or made to think so. This way of thinking gives way to inviting narcissists and manipulation in to your life and often missing the genuine good people.

It was all blurred. When you have a healthy way of viewing offence you see the correction for it’s true intention, no blurs just truth. You see the love of the person guiding you.

With correction we need to not internalise as that leads us to catastrophizing.

Externalising correction leads to protection.

We should first hear what’s being said then process the information by seeing who is delivering the correction and the heart behind it.

Questions like-

Is this said in love?

Does this person want the best for me?

Are they trying to help me improve?

Do they often belittle you?

Rude or arrogance?

Constant put downs?

They can’t find anything good to say ever?

Side comments in front of others?

Gaslighting?

First I would like to say the latter is not someone who has your best interests at heart.

Work needs to be done to develop a healthier response to correction. We will always be a work in progress. Correction will be great from people who mean well, we will succeed in that easily. But with others who don’t mean well will take a bit of work, to deal with it better. Sometimes the old pattern responses will creeps in and we’re ruminate but when it does we learn to spend less time in that place of self pity.

It’s not about perfection but about learning to foster better responses.

There often is something that triggers the way you process correction in a negative way. If you internalise like I often did, you can change this. If you get angry or withdrawal you can over come this.

Don’t accept this as just the way you are. We grow from accepting good correction. It helps us learn. If someone who genuinely cares says ‘oh I find it hard to say things without you getting offended’. That’s not negative that’s a call to look at your behaviours and work on making changes and have more positive relationships.

A tutor said to me ‘oh you waffled abit in your essay remember to stick to the question’. I took it on board because I know she was correct and I appreciated her directness, she wanted me to do well.

What my tutor said has helped me apply this into other parts of my life.

Ask yourself next time you come against correction does this help me grow or make me low?

Externalising correction can be your protection.

Chanel x